Monday, May 23, 2016

Laugh at Yourself//Cat Ears and the Governor


Laurie, Me, Tracey

"Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused"
-Unknown


Friday night I got to meet our Governor.
Very charming woman. So kind and gracious.
She came by our costume shop at the childrens' theatre to rehearse with some of the young people for a special event.
I wore cat ears when I shook her hand. 

~*~*~*~
My boss Tracey and friends Laurie and Alima were there too, of course. 
Alima even had a vintage headscarf under her ears and Laurie and Tracey had their ears decked out as well.  I decked my ears out with colorful daisies.
See, 
when you work in our costume shop for long enough... 
you earn your ears.

For every major show we work, we wear our ears.
These ears distinguish us and the kids know that the "cat ears" are the people who work the costume shop.

And I mean,
com'on people.
When there is whirlwind after whirlwind of things to get sewn, mended, altered and handed out,
you gotta have some fun!
At the end we were wearing not only our ears, but anything else we could find.
At one point I had on ties around my neck (we pre-tie men's ties and wear them so we can quickly hand them to boys who need them done properly), a vintage apron from a pile I had been sorting, and my ears!
Thankfully it wasn't that bad Friday!
When I shook the Governor's hand.

~*~*~*~
It is a truth that I have had to learn to laugh at myself, because well, if I didn't know how to laugh at myself, I'd be completely mortified. 
All the time.

Yes. 

If you are one of the amazingly talented people who always watches other folks get into "ooopses" while you are standing there all dignified,
high five to you!

I will never ever be that way!
This is a little ensemble I came up with late one night after a show back in February.

My beloved sister, who is my total opposite in every way except essentials, told me that one thing she really admired about me was that I can laugh at my mistakes.

Honestly though,
this is more of a skill I have learned over time than a naturally bestowed gift.

Trust me, when your life is MY LIFE, you get plenty of opportunities to practice being amused by the crazy things that JUST HAPPEN.

Prevention or damage control is just not possible.
I've tried.
Things WILL go amiss.
That's just part of being Lexi.

And living life entertained beats curling up in the fetal position and groaning over that time you walked into the wall. Or put the TV remote in your purse. Or texted your dad's work associate a picture of you eating nachos in Civil War attire.
Yeah.
That picture was meant to be sent to my friend Lisa.
Not good.

I am currently proudly keeping a log of 2016's most awkward/embarrassing moments. I have limited myself to one per month.
Needless to say I haven't had trouble so far.
May's moment just got ticked off.

And guess what?
I wasn't really embarrassed by it. 
Seriously, this one wasn't bad. It was kinda cute and the Governor seemed to like our quirky "uniform".
It was fun!

And honestly, I thank God for the ability to laugh.
I laugh at things no one else thinks is funny.
I laugh when I am all alone.
My family sometimes thinks I've lost it.
And sometimes at dance I smile, not a "I'm enjoying this activity" smile, but a "oh man that was such a funny time when..." smile.

And it's GIFT.
Pure gift.
To laugh at yourself.
At your own mishaps

Don't take yourself so seriously.

Cause in  the end,
it's not about you.

And sometimes amusing things  JUST happen.

And when you think,
"Oh man, what a mess I am."

Just remember, you might be the light-hearted example that someone else needs to see.
So get up off the floor, dust yourself off and laugh with your friends.
Cause everyone needs a good chuckle.

And laughter is a Gift.


So put your cheetah ears on.
And smile!

Life's too short not to.

~Yours ever amused~
Lexi

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Week I Gave Up


This was the week.
Or two weeks.
I can't seem to recall.

You see my friends,
it was the time when you have so many things to do,
when everything around is expanding your world, that you GIVE UP.

Yeh. You Give Up.
You give up perfecting. You give up blaming.
You give up controlling and fearing and not trusting.
You give up correcting and excusing. 
You give up on yourself.

And you give into something else.

And you feel your inner person free-fall.

Free-fall as every human must learn to do when they grow up into an adult.

And God be Thanked,

I am His child, and I fell out of my controlling will, 
and surrendered myself to Him.
And let me tell you,
it was surprisingly peaceful on the way down. 

It was indeed the most complete surrender I have ever done.

I really gave up on me.
I gave up trying to change myself.

Aside from repenting when I sinned,
.....and repeating a dozen times a day that,
"Lord, Your face do I seek."

I did zip.

 I let things go.

And...
it was amazing.
I made it through my crazy week(s) just FINE. 

I didn't feel the need to make a list of things to 
"work on."
In return for not forcing myself to "do better"...
what happened?

I did not fall apart.
 I forgave easier.
I could handle more stress---
'Cause I wasn't requiring perfection.
Really, all I did was finally receive God's Grace.
His Love.
His forgiveness.

But it took me drastically giving it all up.
Giving up, and giving into Him.
My long prayers I wrote out meticulously, in order to BE SURE God heard what I meant, and that I didn't miss anything, so that I didn't have to WORRY, cause ya know,
if I misspelled something or didn't word something right, God might not hear the prayer...yeah those went out the window.

I said stuff that sounded so unspiritual like,
"Lord,
It's a beautiful day. Surrender me. Take care of things. I trust you.
Amen"
 

Then I had a mug of tea. Because Jesus would probably want to share some Earl Grey if He was visiting and letting me share my heart with Him. 

And wow! 
How simple is that? 
Can God like really do anything drastically in my life when I leave the power in His hands rather than my words or deeds?

Yes Lexi.
He can.
It's not up to you, you need to relax.

You're His child.

You don't need to perform.
You don't need to get through that spiritual check list.

You trust God.
So Give It Up.

Don't be motivated by guilt or fear.

Turn your face to Jesus.

Those things like service and scripture reading.
They will come.

From an overflowing of His Love.

But right now.

Be still.

You need to break this lifelong cycle you have been in.
So stop it.
Just breathe in His love.

"But won't I mess up?
If I don't constantly double check everything in my life, won't it all spiral into mass chaos?"

You trust in God, Lexi.
You keep messing stuff up WITH YOUR CHECKLIST.
So just stop.

And besides, don't you believe that God is strong enough to get you out of any mess you might get into?
That He is God and you are not?
That you can't save yourself?

So I stopped.
I gave up. All my works.
I gave them up.

I listened to calming music instead.
I murmured the 23rd psalm for devotion and imagined a love bubble around me when I was stressed.

And it was crazy scary.
And there are still times when the guilt monster whispers in my ear.
"You are not doing enough..." 
And I itch to try to earn my position as God's child.

Because it is good and profitable to have seasons of service and long prayers and 
everyone does need scripture poured into their veins. 

But it is not what saves you.

You are a fraud if you think going to church and reading your Bible saves your soul.

When your striving to change yourself keeps God from transforming your heart,

...you need to GIVE UP.

You need to experience what Christ did for you.
That His blood saved you.
Not that thing you once did to help someone.

You need to feel what forgiveness feels like.
What unconditional love looks like.
And you need to trust,
That when we stand still,
He can take care of things.
Verily, verily!

And then, in a bit,
when the seas are calm and you KNOW what it means to be loved by God...

...then will come all the joy and peace.

Not forced change,
but heart transformation.

And you will see the stuff happen in your heart you could never do by your will power.

And He will receive the Glory.

Not you.

And that my friends,
is why I Gave Up this week.

You can pray for me if you want.
I would appreciate that so much.

And thanks.

Yours ever trying to
BE STILL,

Lexi

P.S.
Oh, and by the way. I will mess this thing up.
And try to fix my heart again.
But that's okay.
Because God's grace is sufficient and I am not perfect.
And He will carry us through.


Ephesians 2:8-9(KJV)

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Not of works, lest any man should boast."

Psalm 46:10 (NASB)


“Cease striving and know that I am God;


I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

*As with any post of this nature I feel led to note that I am not advocating anything like not attending church or doing the things the scripture instructs believers to do. I am saying to put all your trust, and your hope in God alone. Far from making our own way, or rebelling, I am advocating total dependance in the Lord Jesus Christ. Letting go and giving it all up, whatever that may be for you as a Christian. It is my deepest prayer that God will do a great work in my heart as I lay down my works, so that I can truly be a vessel for Him.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

I Want You to Know


Do you know what I love about reading blogs? 
Why I spend time scrolling through my feed each day?

It used to be for various reasons.
I loved to see what people were sewing, I loved to see the things people were recreating.
I was focused on learning new information regarding my hobbies and interests.

Now, I just love reading about the people.
I want the stories.
The truth, the realities.
The prayers, the songs.
The heartcry.
I want to see their baking and their clothes too, but mostly I want to hear their thoughts.
What did you read? Why did that make such an impact on your precious heart?
Tell me about that time when you struggled, how did you come out the way you have?

I love how blogging can allow folks to share their deep spiritual truths with me...
a person they will probably never meet.

Yet please know dear bloggers, your words have an impact on me.

I think about what you have said as I drive to work.
I remember that quote you posted during our Sunday service. I am relieved when I feel something you felt, and I know that I am not alone in this.

I love how you let me see you,
let me know I have fellow sojourners in this thing called life.

I love how I can relate.
How I can relate to you, a writer many thousands of miles away.
And sometimes, 
sometimes I am so moved,
that I pray for you.

Yes, I do.

Your words, they don't have to be perfect.
I appreciate your honesty.
You can write something, and then learn and come back and tell us you have learned something different.
I like it when you tell me your joys.
And I feel your sorrows too.

This thing called life,
it is wonderful to express it in words.
And you dear blogger,
you are BLESSED with that gift.

Not everyone can share as you do.
Not everyone has the courage to stand up and speak truth to the internet.
Or to let others see them honestly.

Especially when our lives aren't perfect.

But you have courage.

And I want you to know,

....that I count you one of my greatest inspirations.

When I am worn out from a long day, when I need to zone out and rest my weary personhood on the couch, I reach for the laptop.
And,
I go to your blog, to read YOUR thoughts.

So, thanks friend. 

Thank you to all my fellow bloggers.

You are truly a light in my life,

May God Bless You and Keep You,
May He make the Sun to Shine upon You

as you write, and share, and learn with the rest of us--on these precious corners we have,
called blogs.


With Gratitude
~Lexi


Sunday, May 8, 2016

Legacy-Mothers Day


Dear Nana,
Hello beloved grandmother, it's me, 
your Lexi. 
We haven't seen each other in 11 years. I was 13 years old then... the April when we lost you.
That was a hard year that, when we cared for you, sat with you, read with you.
I loved doing my schoolwork in your old house. Soaking every last day up.
You, me and Mother.
We were always a threesome, we three. Cuts from the same cloth...
-hearts pulled by the same string.
Three generations of the same spirit.
Sippers of iced tea, tellers of old family stories.
Laughing more, finding things funny in everything.
We were always one.  

 It was hard then.
I grieved as a thirteen year old.
It is hard now.
Last year I grieved in a whole new way...
as a 23 year old adult-who knew all the things we missed sharing together.
I wish you could see me now, stronger, more vibrant than I have ever been before.
I wish you could have seen how I followed in your footsteps and became the family seamstress.
You would have loved to hear my poetry I wrote as a teen.
So very different than the ones I wrote as a child. 

I miss the summer days.
In the mountains.
Together on the cabin porch. 
Tea in hand. Rain drizzling around us.
I took your blue and white bed-spread that was left up there.
It covers my bed now.
A few months ago Uncle Steve let me have your golden devil-egg platter.
I wear the white beaded moccasins you used to buy,
Mother wears your silver bracelets everyday, and Emily your turquoise earrings. 
 Father still wears the wool sweater with the lovely designs you bought him.
You always had such class.

We honor you everyday.
We remember the gracious woman you were.
Mother and I recite your poetry and childhood stories faithfully.
And we still invite the family over and serve them your Roast beef.

So Happy Mothers Day Nana.
You are our Legacy...

Your loving,
Granddaughter
~Lexi
Photos taken at the National Cemetery in Santa Fe NM  on April 24th 2016 which marked the 11th anniversary week of Nana's passing. 

Friday, May 6, 2016

Summer Style 2// Cinco De Mayo

"Cinco de Mayo—or the fifth of May—commemorates the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War (1861-1867). A relatively minor holiday in Mexico, in the United States Cinco de Mayo has evolved into a celebration of Mexican culture and heritage, particularly in areas with large Mexican-American populations. Cinco de Mayo traditions include parades, mariachi music performances and street festivals in cities and towns across Mexico and the United States."~ History.com

 Hola mi amigas!
Well yesterday was a day which I look forward to every year, and as has been my custom for the last few years, I dressed up for it!
I call this one "Fiesta for Work" and yes, I did go into work like this, which is why it did not get blogged about yesterday!
Can I just say that I love festive colors? I thought my mustard yellow skirt I made back in November looked very nice (minus the bow it used to have.)

My jewelry included a colorful bead bracelet and one of my favorite necklaces featuring stone-cut birds. And although the bracelet is from Ecuador and the necklace is more of a Native American piece, I really liked their bright colors.

My awesome trio of flowers definitely made everything tie in. I love the flower headpieces we wear in Folkloric dance and these colors were so pretty...

I really did a last minute job making it with floral wire, just fast and simple:
 The big bobby pins were reinforced by smaller ones, once the headpiece was installed at the peak of my updo.
You can see it forms a nice "cap" for the crown of a bun. I will want to wear this again for sure.

But the main attraction of this outfit is my embroidered blouse/dress. 
I wish you could see it in person!  It was a gift from my grandmother a few years ago, and I try to wear it on Cinco. Very special.

And so, that is that!
I had a great day, praise the Lord, and ended it with dance practice! (Although I admit I had to sadly change from this grandeur into more athletic clothes.)

I hope you enjoyed this! 
Much love to you!

xoxo
~Yours ever trying to be festive~
Lexi

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Live in the Sunshine


"But I enter Your house by the Abundance of Your Faithful Love"

Psalm 5:7

Hello dear friends,
Can you believe it is May? Already? Just like that *snaps*?
I can hardly, that's for sure.
 April has flown by. It has disappeared before I noticed it was saying goodbye.

I have been really learning a lot in April about God's Love. 
You probably think that after being a Christian for so many years I'd have that figured out and down pat by now. 
But, no,
not really.
The Bible says the Messiah's Love surpasses knowledge (Eph. 3:19).

It is unfathomable that it is not performance based. 
I still don't get it.
And I have observed it's sometimes harder for mature Christians, who have been saved for many years, to bask in that love and forgiveness. Our mind's turn. 

"Lord, I have been walking in Your truth these 20 years at least, shouldn't I have some stuff down by now? Like knowing Your character?"

Yeah, thus some look into my deep spiritual thoughts.
Oh my.

I don't receive forgiveness very well because it's hard to not be consumed by remorseful feelings.
I realize some folks struggle with not feeling enough remorse, but frankly many others can't let it go.
I think the lack of being able to give my burdens and sins to God stems mostly from not understanding His loving nature. 

You have no idea how much I thought about this, over and over, to come to such a simple conclusion!

But really, it takes an understanding of Love, to have Faith and Trust in someone.
And since God's love defies our human comprehension of what love is (even our most positive experiences with it) it can be a long quest to truly seek out what it means that:
"God is Love" (1 Peter 4:16)

 Just like He is "Holy, Holy, Holy,"
just as He is "Creator",
just as He is "All Knowing"
and
"All Just"
He is Love.

We are not all love. Everyone I have ever met, saved or not, has had some form of a loving nature, but it definitely was not wholly pure or a complete part of their person.
  
So the struggle is real.

To understand, or ponder somthing we are not capable of being.
Fully Love.

We can grow, but until perfection, we are indeed looking in a mirror dimly.(1 Cor. 13:12)

Which is indeed discouraging for some of us who yearn to escape the corruptable in the immediate.
But, as a song we sang last Sunday went:

"Cheer up my brothers,
live in the Sunshine,
We'll understand it,
All By and By" 


Yours, with Love,
Lexi   


P.S
Guess what I made this weekend?
They are so wonderful, I highly recommend them for your next bake sale!
When you bite into them the filling center goos out, and gah, it's just delightful!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Summer Style 1//Flashback Childhood

 "I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in LOVE, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love and to know the Messiah's love that surpasses knowledge so you may be filled with all the FULLNESS of  GOD."
Eph. 3:17b-19

Confession time. I am learning to say no, to say I can't do it all. That I struggle. 
That others are right.  Yeah. . .
And I can say that to you, but it's hard to say to others in my life.
And that is where I have asked for forgiveness. And ask for Grace. And that's good and right. And it's very  hard.
 And God is God.
 ~*~*~*~

Summer Style 1-Flasback Childhood
 
A little over a week ago, my family went to a thrift store in the evening. I had scouted some stuff earlier that day, and we returned as a unit to make final purchases! 

I had found something, put it back, gone back, caressed it, put it back. 
Finally grabbed it.
I did not know if I'd even end up wearing it.
But I took the risk.
 
So...a romper from the 1990's. Floral print, zip in back. Baggy shorts.
 I was sooooo proud. Just so happy!
 My sister, who was not part of the unit raid to the thrift store, but still, being part of our unit, eagerly wanted to see our finds. It's a family tradition of sorts-- to show of all your finds. 

I showed her all the stuff I got, except this. 
She knew I was hiding something.
She asked.
I made her PROMISE not to laugh.
She asked "That bad?"

I ran off to try it on for her.

She laughed, bent over on a bench, in laughter!

My parents loved it, our roomey Lisa LOVED it!
Emily loved to laugh at it. 
It was pretty great.
I laughed too.

I love it! So comfy! Since it looks like a dress, but is not, I can do a bunch of kicks and also not worry about the wind blowing my skirt up.
Convenience?
 Yes.
A little geeky?
Perhaps!

It even came with a lace embellishments. Come now

It's completely fitted, has a raised bodice with box pleats coming out. It makes for a nicely fitted look on top, with a flowy "skirty" bottom.

Anyways, best $5 I have spent of late. So many memories too.

I hope you all will enjoy seeing some of my summer style in the next few months.

God Bless!

~Yours ever learning and confessing~

Lexi

 
Images by Freepik